It could have been worse . . . then it was

It could have been worse . . . then it was

 

 

 

By Jerry Wadian
jwadian@thefayettecountyunion.com

 

You may have noticed by the improved writing in the sports section last week that I was on a short vacation, a quick trip to Lubbock, Texas, to visit our daughter, Shena, and her husband, Chad.

The visit was fine, but the trip was another story.

We foolishly booked with an airline I shall call – due to a litigious society and sensitive corporate types Russian Buzzard Airline (Buzzard Air, for short).

Known for its delays, Buzzard Air kept its reputation untarnished by being over an hour-and-a-half late out of Cedar Rapids on Thursday, Dec. 4. That meant we’d miss the connecting flight out of Dallas, even though that airport is famous for “no plane leaves on time.”

However, it could have been worse, a flight by a different airline to Las Vegas was over three hours late.

Our flight over the cloud layers looked like a journey above the arctic. I almost expected an orca pursuing a narwhal to jump out of the clouds. Or maybe, a polar bear chasing the original fast-food franchise – National Geographic photographers emerging from the icecap-like clouds.

Eventually, we landed to face our four hours in the concrete jungle known as the Dallas-Fort Worth Airport, home of the $2 cup of bad coffee.

We were told to board out of Gate B-43. Now Dallas is famous for gate changes, but little did we know bingo, airline-style, awaited us.

As expected, our gate soon changed to B-45. After dinner and coffee, we get to B-45 and the sign says “Boarding in 37 minutes!”

One more stroll around the airport, and we return to B-45. No boarding sign, just an advertisement for Buzzard Air showing passengers smiling as they leave on time – the writers are now gainfully employed writing scripts for the SyFy channel!

To make a long story short, we went from B-45 to B-41, to B-49, to B-44, and so on, and on and on, until we finally flew out of B-46 – late, of course!

We literally hit every gate between B-41 and B-49 before departure. I did play hero once. As the red-faced clerk announced yet another change, I yelled, “Bingo!” As the potential mob laughed, company employees were able to hide the fruit and vegetables in the local stores. 

However, it could have been worse, judging by the schematic of the airport, one flight to Arkansas was switched to a gate that was probably in Arkansas!

Coming home it did get worse!

Coming home we get to the Lubbock airport on Tuesday morning, Dec. 9, and notice the first of four daily flights to Dallas is cancelled!

Seems there is dense fog in Dallas. I later saw photos, and it was a dense fog. However, there is probably $100 million of instruments on the plane that can talk to the $200 million of instruments in the tower to enable the plane to fly blind.

Our alternative on the trip was a “friendly skies” flight to Denver, where they fly in everything but severe blizzards. Dallas can’t even get out of fog!

We asked the nice clerk in Lubbock when the next flight was available?

My scream of “Monday!” normally would have drawn a lot of attention but went unnoticed in the cacophony of screams, moans, and assorted exclamations I can’t repeat in a family paper.

Four flights a day and nothing open for a week? I still don’t believe it!

However, the clerk could get us a flight out of Amarillo at 2 p.m. that day. Now Amarillo is two hours north, and it’s already 11:30 a.m. I figure by the time we get there, get our bags checked, and get through security, our flight would be landing in Dallas!

We settle for Amarillo the next day at 4:30 p.m. According to the clerk, Amarillo “has a much bigger airport.” Lubbock has all of eight gates; Amarillo had seven – And they call both “international airports”! I suppose that means both have at least one flight to Oklahoma, which most Texans believe is a foreign country.

At any rate, we get on the plane and the scheduled 4:30 p.m. flight actually leaves at 4 p.m., which really means 4:10 p.m. I suspect the three empty seats were from passengers who actually believed 4:30 p.m. meant 4:30 p.m. and it would be late anyway!

Then, something truly unbelievable happened: Our flight from Dallas actually left from the gate originally announced! In four tries, that was a first. And it only left 14 minutes late – a Dallas-Fort Worth record that may stand forever!

However next time, even though it may be December, I think we might try the Denver connection – anything but Buzzard Air!

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